The Quest



So I'm now a 30-something-years-and-3 days-old woman. And still a spring chicken.  And I've made the new decision that I would like a life partner...someone to grow old with.

Years ago, 5 to be exact, my grandmother told me that everyone needs a person to share life with, to make the burdens of life lighter, and to talk to always.  This was after I told her that I was self-sufficient and not desperately in need of a husband, after she had asked me the usual question about when she would be meeting the nice, young man who would share my life.  I laughed it off at the time, and laughed about it again later, with my friends.  She did promise, though, that she would go look for a nice man in her neighbourhood for me.  I shudder to imagine what her idea of a nice man for me is...probably a man who can put food on the table.

I no longer think her philosophy cute, I've changed my tune and I am looking for a life partner.  I know not where to begin, actually, if there is any such thing.

Does one put the word out?  Write an ad in the personals?  Go out lots and lots and hope to meet somebody single and nice?

I recognize that so far I haven't exerted myself in this endeavour.  I go to work from 8 to 5, sometimes go for a seminar or meet a friend for coffee, go home to play with my son, go to bed, read a book, sleep and the cycle begins again the next morning.  The only variation to this theme is the weekends, where I'm out with my son and his friends or at home with my Mum and brothers.  I recognized this pattern 6 months ago and stated that I would make an effort to go out on at least 1 date a month (very very low, I know, and characteristic of an underachiever, which I'm not).  I kept this up for all of 2 months and then nothing happened.  Okay, I'll rephrase, and then I stopped doing anything about it.

Sometimes I will be asked out by someone, and I turn them down, not because I'm doing something else more exciting, but because I prefer to curl up on my sofa and read a book or just take it easy at home.  I wonder if this is a symptom of aging?  To prefer to stay home rather than go out for the latest good movie?  I shall chalk it down to not being asked out by exciting-enough guys.

So, what does this partnership I'm after look like?

The image I have of marriage, a long and enduring loving marriage, was created on a Friday night 9 years ago at a little pub I used to go to with my colleagues to listen to a live band.  As the band started to play some lively music, an old old man led his old old wife to the dance floor and the two of them proceeded to dance gracefully together.  They were having the time of their lives and looking at them, it was obvious that they had been dancing together for donkeys' years.

Is this unrealistic?  I don't know.  I'm sticking to that ideal, though.  My criteria for a suitable life partner will always include 'loves music' and 'loves to dance'.  I plan to hobble onto the dance floor at the age of ninety and dance half the night away with my old geezer of a husband, no compromise.

Out of the strategies of putting the word out, writing a personal ad and going out lots and lots, I choose to go out lots and lots in order to meet lots and lots of guys.  I imagine that the more guys I meet, the more likely it is that I will meet that future all-night-dancing octogenarian.

Is it true that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince? Well, this is my quest, to follow that prince, no matter how slimy, no matter how cold...



Will it be fun? Only one way to find out...

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